Wednesday, April 25, 2012

TOP TEN WORST TOWN NAMES


What does this have to do with anything? You'll see if you read on.


10. Backwash, Idaho
Population 400. The town's main attraction is the Backwash Dog Museum which delights enthusiasts with over 12 breeds of domesticated canine taxidermed pretty well by the curator himself, still there's an odor that keeps the locals from paying the $1.00 admission despite their extreme boredom. Out-of-towners wishing to get their money's worth usually last about a minute before they bolt for the door gasping for fresh air.

9. Discomfort, Michigan
Founded in 1834, According to the elders the town was named Discomfort due to a preponderance of nosebot flys which would lay their eggs in a person's nasopharynx while they were sleeping. As the maggot grew to 2 inches in length and devoured the host's brain it was said to cause some discomfort, hence the name. Population 0 as of 1835.

8. Ugly Old Biddy, Wisconsin
Founded by a farmer with 12 beautiful daughters who were oversexed and allergic to any type of apparel. Obviously the old man wanted them all to himself. The town is now inhabited by aged inbred retarded women who ate all the men, and for whom the town is now aptly named. 

7. Gotapee Springs, Missouri
There are no natural springs in Gotapee, nor are their any toilets due to a porcelain shortage. Just the Anheuser Busch brewery and a lot of drunken factory employees.
We have no idea where this is but we found this picture in an old shoebox.
6. Broken Penis, Arkansas
Named after the towns mayor, chief of police, fire marshal, general store owner and only resident. Legend has it Mayor Percival-Bob Meaterson broke his penis in a fucking accident back when it was a population of 2, the second resident being a tree stump named Sally.

5. Skidmark, Mississippi
A town so small that motorists driving through looking for a restroom shit their tighty-whiteys when they discover none to be found, nor even a tree to squat behind for privacy. But when they see the pile of soiled underwear at the far end of this roadside blight with a population of 13 (according to the sign, though no one's ever seen them), they add theirs to the heap.

4. Catspanking, Wyoming
Population 4,825. The town is situated atop an ancient burial ground used by the Pawnee Tribe whose spirits think it's hilarious to possess the bodies of all the stray cats in the burg and make them act real naughty (hence the name Catspanking).
The local sheriff at one time tried to pass a law prohibiting the striking of felines, but the townsfolk, having become quite fond of this disciplinary method, wouldn't hear of it and  to this day the town's motto is, "Spank 'em if you catch 'em."

3.  Bubblecud Nebraska
A poorly tested soil enhancement once used in this farming town gave the grasses an elastic quality which when chewed by the 2000 some odd head of cattle allows them to blow their cud into fairly impressive sized bubbles. They no longer hold the annual Cud-Bubble Competition because of a few cheaters who walked away with the trophy every year ruining the fun for the rest of them.
Christmas time in Frankfurter Plunge. Here two residents find the weather
just perfect for a good old fashioned western drawing match.
2. Frankfurter Plunge, Texas
They say everything is bigger in Texas. That doesn't apply to the un-google-mappable town of Frankfurter Plunge whose population barely reaches 2 digits during tourist season. With an average temperature of 118 F throughout most of the year locals claim it's the perfect climate in which to die.

1. Wobbly Pecker, Tennessee

Population 43,000. A richly landscaped and architecturally cutting-edge tourist mecca, with lavish high-rise 5-star hotels, sprawling public parks, sparkling fountains lining opulent 6-lane city thoroughfares with shopping centers of great abundance and glitz was planned for this town, but none of it came to fruition, some say due to the dubious name choice.


Bullshit artists conception of some bullshit he made up.

By numbsain...he was born in a town called "Yechh."

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Yo Mama's So...Somethin'

yo mama tripped and fell while crossing the street

 Yo mama’s so fat Ben & Jerry have their own parking spaces in front of the house.

Yo mama’s so stupid when she went to get acupuncture she asked for a shot of novacaine first.

Yo mama’s so fat yo daddy smacks her ass before he goes to work and when he comes home it’s still jiggling.

yo mama’s so old she has dinosaur DNA trapped in her boogers.

Yo mama’s so old when she crosses the street she's afraid of being hit by a horse and buggy.

Yo mama’s so fat her favorite continental breakfast is Africa.

Yo mama’s so old she tells senior citizens, “When I was your age I had respect for my Australopithecus."

Yo mama’s so old she tells you not to track the earths partially cooled crust into the house.

Yo mama’s so old she put her money in the first national bank.

Yo mama’s so old she once yelled at a guy for dragging a wooden cross through her rose bushes. Then she made him wear the ones he ruined on his head.

Yo mama’s so stupid when a clerk tried to sell her pants made of corduroy she asked who the other three quarters were.
Don't ask...I have no idea.

Yo mama’s so fat she went to Weight Watchers, they sent her to Whale Watchers.

Yo mama’s so fat there are wise men living in her hair.

Yo mama’s so big she has a snow cap.

Yo mama’s so fat that when she got crabs they had to tent her.

Yo mama’s so fat when she played goalie on the soccer team she never had to move.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thinks the Flinstones is a reality TV show.

Yo mama’s so fat when she went to get a tramp stamp they sent her to a muralist.

Yo mama’s so fat she went to a restaurant alone and the maitre ‘d said “party of five?”

Yo mama’s so fat you need binoculars to read over her shoulder.

Yo mama’s so fat she wins at twister every time on the first spin.

Yo mama’s so old archeologists are already trying to study her.

Yo mama’s so old she complains that the universe just isn’t expanding they way it used to.

Yo mama’s so stupid she saw a bear in the woods and told you to watch where you step.

What? Well she is! Don't lie. C'mon yo mama ain't in the best of shape, she ain't exactly fine, and she forgets to breathe sometimes so we're not talking genetic perfection here, get over it. If you don't like me talking about yo mama, leave a comment and tell me about my mama. C'mon bring it on.

By numbsain...He's a mother too. In fact he's his own mother. Now that was a difficult delivery!

Don't forget to take a gander at our many other yo mama jokes:

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2011/11/yo-mama-jokes-2012.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2012/02/yo-mamas-so-stupid-shes-at-loss-for.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2012/01/numbsain-lets-fly-on-yo-mamaagain.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2011/12/yo-mamas-are-so-phat.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2011/12/yo-mama-2012-part-2-yo-mamas-had-it-now.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2011/10/yo-momma-jokesso-stupid-even-yo-momma.htm