TOP TEN LAST THINGS PEOPLE HEAR

"Say Henri, what force of nature should we taunt mercilessly today?"
"What say we go beg gravity to kill us?" "Okay sounds great!"

10. Suicide Hotline, can you hold please? [Please stay on the ledge for the next available operator…Ah, ah, ah, ah, stay-in’ a-live…Stay-in a-live…] Hi! Thank you for holding. My name is Jenny, can I get your full name and what method of suicide have you chosen today?

9. C’mon Jimmy, forget about that silly old insulin, you don't need that stuff...

8. I’m sure. Yes, positive. I swear I packed it right. I’ve done it a thousand times. Just go ahead. See you on the ground. Wait Bob! STOP! DID YOU REMEMBER TO STRAP THE DAMN THING TO YOUR BACK?

7. Okay just stay calm, and don’t show it any fear or it’ll rip your guts out faster than you can blink.

6. WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED MCMURPHY! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP AND WE PROMISE WE WON’T SHOOT!…There he is! FIRE!

5. Mine field? What are you talking about there are no mine fields around he– (click).

4. Okay now listen carefully, Jameson, you can do this. I’m gonna talk you down and after this is all over you can tell everyone you landed a 757!

3. Don’t worry the worst that can happen is you get really sick. Takeshi, two more rounds of the blowfish!

2. Cut the red one, no green! No no no sorry it is the red wire…Wait did I say red? I meant green, yes cut the green wire, or was it…

1. Oh yeah, baby! You LOVE my big fat butt don’t you? Yeah you do, huh? Look at you all tied up like that! (Tee hee!) You want me sit right on your face, don’tcha. Yeah, I know. Well, here I go, all 300 pounds of me!!!


By Numbsain...Last he heard was he was going to be just fine...yeah right.

Top Ten Benefits of Having a Girlfriend with Two Vaginas

What were you expecting an actual picture of the two vagina'd woman? Sorry you'll have to settle for this tasteful symbolic representation of two lovely rivers, The Squirter River and The Poontanga Rapids.

10. Economy: It’s like getting two for the price of one because there is a negligible increase in fuel consumption per a 100% increase in total vaginage.

9. Two vaginas together are happier because they can keep each other company.

8. If you invite a buddy over there’s plenty to go around.

7. Just like pigs who compete for food and get fatter when paired up, two vaginas would be in constant competition for your dick.

6. She can queef in harmony.

5. Less mouth to listen to than in any other situation in which there are two vaginas present.

4. One can be used as a convenient cup holder during sex.

3. Great Ice breaker at parties, conversation "pieces" at dinner. Or liven up any social event.

2. If one's in the shop for repairs you have a spare.

1. You can pimp her out for Doublemint gum commercials:
Dou-ble your pleas-sure,  Dou-ble your fun with Dou-ble-mint, Dou-ble-mint Dou-ble-mint cunt.

By Numbsain…He doesn’t even know what to do with one.