New Yo Momma Jokes

These are not your ordinary yo mama jokes but, then again, yo mama ain't no ordinary mama. Sure, she's fat, ugly, and stupid, after all she's yo mama. But now she has a whole bunch of new problems, like ADD. The woman's got the attention span of a distracted gnat. When you were a baby she tried to get you to eat by making a the fork go like an airplane. If yo daddy didn't happen to be an air traffic controller you would have starved to death. And she suffers from dyslexia, really bad dyslexia. Well you'll see what I mean.

Yo mama’s so dyslexic when yo daddy asked her for a kiss she sat on his face.

Yo mama’s so dyslexic she thinks two wrongs don’t make a left.

Yo mama's so dyslexic when she says she's had it up to here with you she points to her feet.

Jokes about her even get mixed up yo mama’s so dyslexic.

Yo mama’s so dyslexic she uses the hazards for turn signals.

Yo mama’s so dyslexic she wouldn’t even try doing the hokey pokey.

Yo mama is so dyslexic you asked her what's up and she said, "I don't know."

Yo mama's got such bad ADD she wrote herself a "To..." list.

Yo mama's got such bad ADD she packed you a mayonnaise sandwich for lunch.

Yo mama’s so frigid her underwear has a lettuce crisper.

Yo mama's so frigid she has little vegetable magnets stuck to her butt.

Yo mama’s so stupid she got "a" in spelling…but no other words.

Yo mama’s so self-conscious about her lazy eye that she has to say she’s seeing someone on the side.

Yo mama’s so embarrassed about her waddle that she keeps it tucked into her cleavage.

Yo mama’s so sensitive about her hairy moles she dyes the hair green and say’s they’re chia moles.

Yo mama’s so intolerant of dirt that she makes you put on a slip cover before you walk in the house.

Yo mama’s so desperate she has a neon light on her panties that says VACANCY.

Yo mama’s so fat she tried to eat with a fork in the road.

Yo mama’s so mean she ordered the kids meal and then brought you over to the cook and said “Use this one and gimme a discount.”

Yo mama’s so mean when you asked her for money she handed you her hooker clothes and said, “get a job.”

Yo mama’s so hard up she shaved her pubic hair into a welcome mat.

Yo mama’s so strict you had a barbed-wire crib.

Yo mama’s so cheap she only lets you keep a pet until dinner time.

Yo mama’s so old when they read the bible in church she says, “Now that’s not what he told me…”

Yo mama’s so negligent she asked the day care center if they had permanent residences.

Yo mama’s so negligent she always forgets to clean your litterbox.

Yo mama’s so illiterate she can’t even set a spell.

Yo mama’s so stupid when you asked could you have a friend over for dinner she said, “over rice?”

Yo mama’s so fat she sat on Nat King Cole and when she got up he was Neil Diamond.

Yo mama’s so fat when her tampon leaked a red spot on her butt they thought it was Jupiter.

Yo mama’s such a cow, we call her Black Anguish.

Yo mama’s so fat she doesn’t get laid, she gets spelunked.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thought puffy combs were for styling afros.

Yo mama’s so stupid when someone mentioned P. Diddy she said, “Who did? Where did he?”

Yo mama’s so stupid she thought she’d win a spelling bee cause she was good at spelling “bee.”

Yo mama’s so stupid  she thought 4 x 4 = Toyota.


by numbsain...His mama didn't raise no fool...She left him with his daddy.

Yo Mama Jokes...But She Ain't Funny

Yo mama: "Officer, I just made a silent fart. What should I do?"
Police officer: Replace the batteries in your hearing aid, lady

Yo mama’s so fat she asks, “do these pants make my ass look like Jupiter?”


Yo mama’s so stupid when she got a flat tire she went to jack in the box.

Yo mama’s so sweaty if you’re sitting in the first three rows you WILL get wet.

Yo mama’s so stupid she had to live in apartment #1 on the first floor at “1 First Street” cause she couldn’t count any higher.

Yo mama so ugly she went to Victoria’s Secrets and asked for something that would really turn a man on. They showed her Tina, the cashier.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thinks “propaganda” is when you take a good long look.

Yo mama’s so stupid when she saw you sagging she thought your ass crack was creeping up your back.

Yo mama’s so stupid she got arrested for shoplifting cause she couldn’t remember the second half of “Pick n’ Pay.”
Yo mama’s so stupid she likes Mickey D’s better than McDonald’s.

Yo mama’s so stupid she asked, “What does 911 spell?”

Yo mama’s so stupid she thought “constipation” meant “a full time job”.

Yo mama’s so poor she got fired from her job in a sweat shop for stealing sweat.

Yo mama’s so fat the dog tries to protect her from her own ass.

Yo mama’s so ugly there’s a Photoshop filter called de-yo-mama-fy.

Yo mama’s so fat when she gave birth to you, you almost suffocated.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thought a gynocologist was an Australian doctor who was still gyna college.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thinks Casino Morongo is a gigantic beast that fights Godzilla.

yo mama’s so fat if she got all up in your face your head would explode.

Yo mama’s so poor when she barfs she checks to see if anything’s still good.

Yo mama’s so fat she’s all that, and that, and that over there, and all that stuff over there too.

Yo mama’s so fat she means everything to yo daddy and to everybody else too.

Yo mama’s so fat she got it goin’ on, and on, and on…

Yo mama’s so fat when she wears black and raises both arms you think of Mickey Mouse.

Yo mama’s so fat when she sits in the car she spills out the window…on both sides.

Yo mama’s so fat they didn’t know you’d been born until she stood up and kicked you.

Yo mama’s so fat when they strip searched her at the airport it took 3 days.

Yo mama’s so fat she’s incontinent, sorry, I meant she’s “a continent”

Yo mama’s so fat if you put a cookie on her shoulder she’d break her own neck

Yo mama’s so ugly when she looked in the bathroom mirror she said, “Who put a fish tank in my bathroom?”

Yo mama’s so fat she rolls like that.

By numbsain...yo mama's worst nightmare.

Yo Mama's So...Somethin'

yo mama tripped and fell while crossing the street

 Yo mama’s so fat Ben & Jerry have their own parking spaces in front of the house.

Yo mama’s so stupid when she went to get acupuncture she asked for a shot of novacaine first.

Yo mama’s so fat yo daddy smacks her ass before he goes to work and when he comes home it’s still jiggling.

yo mama’s so old she has dinosaur DNA trapped in her boogers.

Yo mama’s so old when she crosses the street she's afraid of being hit by a horse and buggy.

Yo mama’s so fat her favorite continental breakfast is Africa.

Yo mama’s so old she tells senior citizens, “When I was your age I had respect for my Australopithecus."

Yo mama’s so old she tells you not to track the earths partially cooled crust into the house.

Yo mama’s so old she put her money in the first national bank.

Yo mama’s so old she once yelled at a guy for dragging a wooden cross through her rose bushes. Then she made him wear the ones he ruined on his head.

Yo mama’s so stupid when a clerk tried to sell her pants made of corduroy she asked who the other three quarters were.

Don't ask...I have no idea.

Yo mama’s so fat she went to Weight Watchers, they sent her to Whale Watchers.

Yo mama’s so fat there are wise men living in her hair.

Yo mama’s so big she has a snow cap.

Yo mama’s so fat that when she got crabs they had to tent her.

Yo mama’s so fat when she played goalie on the soccer team she never had to move.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thinks the Flinstones is a reality TV show.

Yo mama’s so fat when she went to get a tramp stamp they sent her to a muralist.

Yo mama’s so fat she went to a restaurant alone and the maitre ‘d said “party of five?”

Yo mama’s so fat you need binoculars to read over her shoulder.

Yo mama’s so fat she wins at twister every time on the first spin.

Yo mama’s so old archeologists are already trying to study her.

Yo mama’s so old she complains that the universe just isn’t expanding they way it used to.

Yo mama’s so stupid she saw a bear in the woods and told you to watch where you step.

What? Well she is! Don't lie. C'mon yo mama ain't in the best of shape, she ain't exactly fine, and she forgets to breathe sometimes so we're not talking genetic perfection here, get over it. If you don't like me talking about yo mama, leave a comment and tell me about my mama. C'mon bring it on.

By numbsain...He's a mother too. In fact he's his own mother. Now that was a difficult delivery!

Don't forget to take a gander at our many other yo mama jokes:

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2011/11/yo-mama-jokes-2012.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2012/02/yo-mamas-so-stupid-shes-at-loss-for.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2012/01/numbsain-lets-fly-on-yo-mamaagain.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2011/12/yo-mamas-are-so-phat.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2011/12/yo-mama-2012-part-2-yo-mamas-had-it-now.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2011/10/yo-momma-jokesso-stupid-even-yo-momma.htm

YO MAMA TRUTHS

I was thinking about yo mama the other day and it's really not right the way we talk about her. I mean we should cut that woman a little slack. So I thought of some things to say about her that were true and honest. After all she can't help it if she's fat, ugly, and stupid.

Yo mama’s so fat when she tried out for an acting job they said if she was a little brighter she could be a star…or at least a planet.

Yo mama’s so fat she went to get a job at K-Mart but they said they didn’t have any openings...she could fit through.

Yo mama’s so fat some Native Americans tried to claim her ass as Fataho territory.

Yo mama’s so fat she was almost hunted by a Hopi tribe but they decided they would never be able to use every part of her.

Yo mama’s so fat some kidnappers tried to hold her for ransom but they couldn’t get the trunk closed.

Yo mama’s so fat they named a perfume after her: “Gigantic” by Calvin Klien.

Yo mama’s so fat she can’t fall down.

Yo mama’s so fat that she's always a round

Yo mama’s so fat when she sneezed they called it hurricane Mama.

 Yo mama’s so old we found a portrait of her...in a cave painting.

Yo mama’s so stupid her smart phone was making fun of her.

Yo mama’s so fat people see her and say, “Lard have mercy! The lard works in mysterious ways!”

Yo mama’s so fat she, like some dinosaurs, has a second brain in her hips but she’s so stupid all it does is tell her to sit her lazy ass down.


Yo mama's so sensitive she get's offended by the crack of dawn.

Yo mama’s so stupid she bought a Dell computer, turned it on and said, “Where’s the farmer?”


Yo mama may be fat but she does manage to hold down the house…In a tornado!

Yo mama’s so fat when she says, “get off my back!” you all use her thong to bungee off her ass.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thought Daylight Savings was a bank.

Yo mama’s so stupid she says she gives debit where debit is due.

Yo mama’s so ugly she was asked to leave the circus cause she was scaring the freaks.

Yo mama’s so ugly someone saw her in a public restroom stall and complained to the janitor.

Yo mama’s so ugly when she got a zit on her face she got all kinds of compliments on it.

Yo mama’s so ugly the priest said, I pronounce you man and wife…Uh, shake!

Yo mama’s so ugly your first words were, “Ma-ma you fuggin UGLY!”

Yo mama’s so ugly when she came to kiss you goodnight you asked the monsters under the bed, “Can I come sleep with you guys?”

Yo mama’s so ugly when you found out how babies are made you bought your daddy a white stick.

Yo mama’s so ugly she was diagnosed with excessive repulsive disorder.

Yo mama’s so fat when she gets 'roids she has to put preparation H on the arm of a chair and then back up to it

Yo mama’s so stupid she tried pot but she didn’t exhale.

By numbsain...His mama would be so proud, as she's smackin' him upside the head.

Yo Mama's So Stupid she's at a loss for words

This has nothing to do with yo mama jokes but...
Damn that's the biggest yeti I ever saw!

This time yo mama's only one thing: STUPID as an Alka-seltzer umbrella.

Yo mama’s so stupid she couldn’t make scrambled eggs because she kept getting them mixed up.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thinks she has two vaginas but one went bad.

Yo mama’s so stupid when you were 14, and girl crazy, she hired a 16 y.o. girl to babysit you.

Yo mama’s so stupid she threw away your Magic Crystal Growing Kit cause she thought it was a meth lab.

Yo mama’s so stupid she found some white powder in your sock drawer and accused you of stealing sugar from the kitchen.

Yo mama’s so stupid you came home to find the dog on the couch with the remote watching "All My Puppies" and yo mama tied up in the back yard.

Yo mama’s so stupid she said if you don’t finish all your dessert you don’t get to do your homework.

Yo mama’s so stupid she made you boys wear hand me downs…from your big sister.

Yo mama’s so stupid she told you don’t kiss a boy on the first date…So you thought everything else was okay.

Yo mama’s so stupid she serves a continental breakfast for the roach motel.

Yo mama’s so stupid when she saw a charge on your daddy’s credit card for “escort service” she said, “What was wrong with the car, honey?”

Yo mama’s so stupid yo daddy brings her flowers on April Fools Day.

Yo mama’s so stupid when the bank asked for her maiden name she said Maiden Hong Kong.

Yo mama’s so stupid when you asked for Chinese food for dinner, she made Sick & Soggy Pork.

Yo mama's so stupid she believes in the Santa Bunny.

Yo mama's so stupid she's just now learning to say "mama."

Yo mama's so stupid when she gets a headache it's only cosmetic.

Yo mama’s so stupidly dyslexic she prays to the Dog every night.

Yo mama’s so stupid when she ran over a cat, she ran it over 8 more times so it wouldn’t suffer.

Yo mama’s so stupid you needed an excuse for being late with your homework so yo mama ate it.

Yo mama’s so stupid when the dog had puppies she got mad at yo daddy cause they looked like him.

Yo mama’s so stupid when you asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich she started looking for the recipe.

Yo mama’s so stupid that when yo daddy said he was bringing two Brazillian friends over for dinner she said “Oh my god, how many is a brazillion!”

Yo mama’s so stupid that when her therapist asked her “tell me about your mother.” She said, “Ask her your damn self this is my therapy!”

Yo mama's so stupid she bit her tongue, then asked for seconds. 

Yo mama’s so stupid when the doctor asked her when was her last period she said, “Oh I’m not in school anymore, doctor.”

Yo mama’s so stupid when the doctor asked her, “Have you had migraines?” she batted her eyelashes and said, “Are you inviting me over for breakfast, doctor?”

Yo mama’s so stupid when the doctor asked her, “Any hot flashes” she blushed and said, “Well, my top fell of in the pool once.”

Yo mama’s so stupid she makes Sarah Palin look sma-…No wait, that’s impossible. Nobody’s that stupid.



All original yo mama jokes by Numbsain, the worlds leading authority on maternal belittlement.

Numbsain Lets Fly On YO MAMA...AGAIN!

Look at cute little Tinkerbell. How could you have sex with such a tiny little thing? I mean she fits in the palm of your hand...oh...OH THAT'S DISGUSTING!

You may be wondering why I make so many disparaging remarks about yo mama. Especially since I don't even know yo mama.  But here's the thing. Yo mama can’t say "no" to anybody. A salesman came to your apartment and sold yo mama homeowners insurance…and then she gave him a bj too! and as if that weren't enough, she’s outside changing his oil right now. I mean lets face it, she's a pushover. She wears a pushover bra. Yo daddy doesn't even try to hide the fact that he cheats on her, he just brings girls home, gets in bed with yo mama sleepin' in it and pushes her over. She can't say no. She switches long distance providers three times a week, and as of yesterday you guys have converted to Jehovahs Witnesses. You never even heard of Jehovah much less winessed him! So that's why I have no qualms about saying:

Yo mama’s so fat when she strolls on the boardwalk she gets splinters in her ass cheeks.

Yo mama’s so fat her breasts are in different time zones.

Yo mama’s so stupid when she gets her period she puts a band-aid on it.

Yo mama’s so stupid instead of changing your dirty diapers she just turned them inside out.

Yo mama’s so fat she doesn’t need a desk.

Yo mama’s so fat that, to feed her, you fill her cleavage with food and then stand on her nipples and sweep it in with a push broom.

Yo mama’s so fat that she got in the jacuzzi and the pumps all exploded

Yo mama’s so fat when she got up from the toilet she ripped it out of the floor…we found it in the kitchen.

Yo mama’s so stupid she needed a password of 8 characters so she put “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”

Yo mama’s so stupid when you saw her kissing Santa Claus she paid you not to tell your daddy.

Yo mama’s so stupid when the recipe said check it with a meat thermometer she asked “where’s the asshole on a meatloaf?”

Yo mama’s so stupid she caught your daddy jacking off and accused him of cheatin’ on her with Tinkerbell.

Yo mama’s so stupid she called you to ask you for your phone number.

Yo mama’s so stupid she agreed to screw her boss everyday if he would stop sexually harrassing her.

Yo mama’s so stupid she bought a book called “how to read”…for dummies.

Yo mama’s so stupid she buys edible panties and eats them out of the box.

Yo mama’s so stupid she wouldn’t take an escalator because she thought it was a waste of stairs.

Yo mama’s so stupid she ran out of gas so she pushed the car to the gas station, parked it and walked home.

Yo mama’s so stupid she had a flat tire, and when the highway patrol stopped he found her down on her knees with her lips on the valve huffing and puffing…So he told her she had the wrong valve...And remember i told you she can't say no? Uh-huh, say no more.

Yo mama’s so fat your daddy thinks he’s havin’ a threesome.

Yo mama’s so stupid she put you on a leash when you were little…That’s not so bad? But when you said you had to go potty she stopped at a fire hydrant, turned around and looked the other way.

Yo mama’s so stupid she let you drink when you were 14 cause you showed her a fake ID.

Yo mama’s so stupid her idea of recycling was to make you do your paper route twice.

Yo mama’s so stupid the GOP is supporting her presidential campaign.

Yo mama’s so stupid she says, “excuse me.” when the dog farts.

Yo mama’s so stupid she has a drawer full of cash rebates that she’s saving up.


That's pretty stupid cause those things have a very limited time in which they can be redeemed. So essentially what I'm saying is: yo mama is not a smart women; not someone you would want to have pack your parachute. Speakin' of parachutes, she shouldn't have to wear one for a dress either. I'm just gonna say it, yo mama is ginormous. Just get her to cut back on the twinkies, like maybe, get her down to twelve boxes a day. That should be enough for the whole state of Iowa. So somebody the size of South Dakota should be okay with it too. But other than all that I think yo mama is perfectly fine.


by numbsain...a little constructive criticism never hurt anyone.

Yo Mama Jokes 2012

 
Yo mama so poor she tries to social network on an etch-a-sketch.

Yo mama's so stupid when she fills out "date of birth" she puts "it's complicated."

Yo mamas so poor a bum asked her for spare change so she robbed him.

Yo mama's so poor that you opened your lunchbox and saw she ate most of your sandwich…and stole your thermos.

Yo mama's so poor she she fights the dog for your table scraps.

Yo mama's so stupid she peed in the car pool.

Yo mama’s so poor she cuts the crust off your sandwich and uses it for the meat inside.

Yo mama’s so stupid she saw Macy’s was having a white sale and said, “I'll take two.”

Yo mama’s so poor, on Christmas eve she rewraps the same presents she stole for you last year and resells them to you.

Yo mama’s so stupid she saw a sign in the store, “All pants half off” so she pulled hers down to her knees.

Yo mama’s so stupid she tried to occupy walmart

Yo mama’s so stupid she saw a street sign, “Stop Ahead” so she got out to look for it.

Yo mama’s so fat she could occupy Wall Street.

Yo mama’s so stupid she spent the food money on beer so she could recycle the cans for cash.

Yo mama’s so poor she beat you up and stole your lunch money.

Yo mama’s so poor she only turns the refrigerator on when there’s food in it.

Yo mama’s so poor she goes to the supermarket just to browse.

Yo mama’s so stupid she traded her teeth for a box of granola.

Yo mama’s so unattractive she can’t even turn on a light.

Yo mama’s so ugly she can’t even attract flies.

Yo mama’s so poor she rents out your room while you're at school.

Yo mama’s so stupid she asked for Reader’s Chew and Reader’s Swallow before she would look at Reader’s Digest. We didn’t ask what she wanted to read after that.

Yo mama’s so stupid she took a can of mace to bed in case she had a bad dream.

Yo mama’s so stupid she wouldn’t bring Aunt Jemima or Uncle Ben into
the house cause it was too messy for relatives.

Yo mama’s so poor she wouldn’t let you date, talkin’ ’bout, “Why sell the cow when we gettin’ milk for free?”

Yo mama's so stupid she tilted back Jennifer Lo-Pez' head and tried to pull one out of her neck.

Back-Handed Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama’s so beautiful she was approached by some photographers to be on the cover of the SPCA newsletter.

Yo mama's so smart she learned to rollover and beg in one day.

Yo mama's so great that when she laid out on the beach some conservationists tried to push her back out to sea.

Yo mama's so classy the when she goes to Europe she stays at the Paris Hilton.

Yo mama's such a good housekeeper that every time she divorces she keeps the house.

Yo mama's such a champion she won best heifer in show at the county fair.

Yo mama's so smart she won Student of the Month in Special Ed class.

That's all I have to say about yo mama this time but if you've heard or made up a good yo mama joke feel free to leave a comment and give my mama your best shot. C'mon, bring it on. Show me what you got! You got somethin' to say about my mama?...Yeah, I didn't think so...


For more sick & twisted yo mama jokes click on these links:

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2012/02/yo-mamas-so-stupid-shes-at-loss-for.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2012/01/numbsain-lets-fly-on-yo-mamaagain.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2011/12/yo-mamas-are-so-phat.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2011/12/yo-mama-2012-part-2-yo-mamas-had-it-now.html

http://numbsain.blogspot.com/2011/10/yo-momma-jokesso-stupid-even-yo-momma.html

Some of these will get you in big trouble with people who have really stupid, fat, ugly mama's.

Yo momma jokes...so stupid even yo momma wouldn't tell them

Now I know a lot of people been talkin' 'bout yo momma 'cause you look mad as a shaved grizzly bear. So next time some fool has the nerve endings to get all up in your nostrils about some scram that don't have nothin' to do with nobody's momma, but they see fit to bring your dear sweet beloved momma, of all people, into it anyway, which of course gives you a cart full o' blanched almonds to put a fresh creamery grade A, pasteurized, homogenized vitamin D hurtin' on their sorry tushy cakes, then you just whip out a handful o' these hush-little-puppies-don't-say-a-word and momma's gonna buy you a lot more than a mockinbird! In fact...

Yo momma’s so ugly Freddy Kruger had nightmares about her.


Yo momma’s so fat she went to a plus-sizes clothing store and they sent her to the times-sizes clothing store.


Yo momma’s so fat when they brought the dessert tray she said, “I’ll have that.”


Yo momma’s so stupid that on your first day of kindergarden she asked you to bring her back some fresh vegetables.


Yo mommas’s so stupid she stayed at a stop sign for three hours waiting for it to turn green.


Yo momma’s so ugly she ran into Jack the Ripper late one night and he drove her home…and then never called.

Yo Momma’s so old that when you watched the Flintstones she would go off about how when Wilma got preggers with pebbles she blew up like a pigasaurus and that was when Fred started coming around yo momma’s cave.

Yo momma’s so stupid she had a yard sale with all the food in her refrigerator that reached the sell-by date.

Yo momma’s so stupid we found her staring at a can of frozen orange juice. We asked her why and she said, “Shhh! Look it say’s right here: ‘made from concentrate,’ now don’t distract me.“

Yo momma’s so stupid she tried to make Jello by leaving Kool-Aid out in the sun to dry.

Yo momma’s so fat that she had been seeing somebody on the side throughout her entire marriage and your daddy never noticed him there.

Yo momma’s so fat she can do cartwheels with her arms folded

Yo momma’s so fat that when she takes a shower she walks forward till the light turns red, then when the light turns green she walks out slowly.

Yo momma’s so OCD that when she met your daddy she picked a daisy and said, “He loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me…

Yo momma’s so OCD that when she has to pick something she says, “eeny, eeny, eeny, eeny, eeny…

Yo momma’s so stupid that when you called her from Los Angeles she told all her friends “My boy found Lost Angeles!”

Yo momma’s so clueless as to the ways of child rearing that when you were born she went to the store for some Purina Baby Chow.

Yo momma’s so stupid when you were born she swore there was another one in there because somebody knocked your teeth out.

Yo momma’s so unsophisticated, like a dumb animal, that you feed her Purina Momma Chow.

Yo momma’s so stupid when you were a kid she yelled at you for chewing with your mouth full.

Yo momma’s so stupid she used a pre-moist towelette to wipe off her spare ribs so the sauce didn’t get all over her fingers.

Yo momma’s so messed up in the head when she tried out for the Olympics they tested her for strength, endurance, and speed. She passed them all except for speed, they found some in her system.

Yo momma’s so stupid she heard a crazy man talking to himself on the bus and she thought she had ESP.

Yo momma’s so unclear on the concept that she went to an twelve step meeting cause she couldn’t eat just one potato chip


Yo momma’s so fat that she admitted she was seeing someone on the side but we pointed out that it was just her ass.

Yo momma’s so stupid we saw her staring at a bowl of soup going, “htsubnle sqnemrhuz bdipklanhg,” so we asked her what she was doing and she said it was alphabet soup and she was learning to read.


Yo momma’s so fat that the gynocologist looked at her and said, “Damn that’s a huge vagina! Damn that’s a huge vagina! Damn that’s a huge vagina!” She said, Why’d you have to say it three times?” he said, “I didn’t.”

Yo momma’s so stupid when the bartender asked if she wanted her drink 'over' she said no, she hadn’t even had any of it yet.


Yo momma takes everything so literally that when someone asked her, “What’s up?” she said, “The opposite of down, stupid!”


 Yo momma’s such a bad waitress when a customer asked her how the lamb was prepared she said they just told him  everything was gonna be all right and then whacked him.


Yo momma’s so fat that when she went swimming in the ocean a group of conservationists watched her and said she was so beautiful.



Yo momma’s such a bad waitress when a customer asked if the burgers were rare she said, “No we sell a lot of them.”



Yo momma’s so stupid that when she tried to do the hokey pokey she put her left foot in and shook her right foot all about, then she turned her left foot around and put her back out and finally we just had to tell her, “Momma! That ain’t what it’s all about!”



Yo momma’s so fat that you need a GPS to get on her good side.


Yo momma’s so fat that when your daddy said, “back that ass up!” she went, beep…beep…beep…


Yo momma’s so fat and mean that when she throws a pot luck you’ll be lucky if you don’t get thrown in the pot.


Yo Momma’s so sensitive about being the size of 3 hos that she thought the Jolly Green Giant was making fun of her.


Yo momma’s so fat that when you were born they found your daddy in there too.


Yo momma’s so fat she ordered baked alaska and complained it looked bigger on the map.


Yo momma’s such a skanky ho her pimp had a clearance sale: “This ho must go!”


Yo momma’s so mean she took you to the blood bank and said “take it all!”


Yo Momma’s so fat she had Kentucky’s fried chicken for dinner. And tomorrow night she’ll have Tennessee’s fried chicken.


Yo momma’s so fat we suggested the Dick Gregory diet but she said there wasn’t enough meat on him to satisfy her.


Yo momma’s so uncoordinated that when she did the hokey pokey she put her left foot in and fell over.


Yo momma’s such an unfit mother she gave you Jello in your baby bottle.


Yo momma’s so stupid she drinks her martini in a sippy cup.


Yo momma’s so stupid when you told her to make a U-turn she asked, “your U or my U?”


Yo momma’s so mean she dressed you up as a KKK and took you to Watts for trick or treat.


And if that fool is still comin at you, talkin' all kinda smack actin' like he's got some kinda verbal abuse to lay on you, and he still wants to cast aspersions on the woman that saw fit to bring you kickin' and screamin' like some kinda newborn fool, into this world, then you're just gonna have to pull out all the stops and escalate matters to the point where you say...

Yo Momma’s so viciously cruel, on halloween she dressed you up as a crack ho and made you turn tricks for treats.

And then all I can say is you better run like hell cause if anybody said that about my momma? To my face? In my town? Fer reals?... Uh-uh...Oh no...I'm sorry...That's it...Naw-naw...you shoulda never gone there...No, no, no...See we gonna settle this up right now, Come on monkey-humper! Bring it on Mr. talkin' mouth! Show me what you got ya big fat pucker-funker-sucker-humper! Ain't nobody gonna talk about my momma like that! @#%&!*@% (Ow!) #@$%! (Hey, leggo my shirt) #$!@#&*$%# (OW!) #$#& (I SAID OW!) $%#&@ (Why you...) #$%@%&!

By numbsain...don't even go there.

Yo Mama Jokes by Numbsain

Yo mama is so ugly, she gets maced by rapists.

Yo mama is so stupid, she failed a Rorshach test.

Yo mama is so stupid, she leaves a pile of breadcrumbs behind the treadmill.

Yo mama is so stupid, she took the morning after pill the day after you were born.

Yo mama is so stupid, when your daddy said "doggy style" she fetched his slippers.

Yo mama is so stupid, she wipes her cleavage with toilet paper to make her tits bigger because worked so well on her ass.

Yo mama is so stupid, she calls you a son-of-a-bitch

Yo mama is so stupid, she had to go to rehab cause she got hooked on phonix.

Yo mama is so ugly, when the elephant man saw her he shouted; "I'm not a human being!"

Yo monkey is so ugly, we thought it was yo mama.

Yo mama is so stupid, she got medical advice from Dr. Seuss, but wanted a second opinion from Dr. Pepper.

Yo mama is so stupid, she ate two Weight Watchers dinners so she'd lose twice as much weight.

Yo mama is so stupid, she bought a years supply of fresh squeezed orange juice.

Yo mama is so stupid, she bought a book called: Yo Mama, for Dummies.

Yo mama is so stupid, she asked if her ass made her ass look fat.

Yo mama is so ugly, she asked for Cover Girl at Walgreens and they recommended Bondo from Home Depot.



Yo mama is so stupid, when she asked to buy a vowel on Wheel of Fortune, she asked for a “B.”

yo mama is so ugly, blind people can't stand to look at her.

Yo mama is so ugly, Jehovahs Witnesses won't knock on her door.

Yo mama is so stupid, when she went to 31 flavors, she asked how many they had.

Yo mama is so ugly, she went to get a make-over and they said she needed to start-over.

Yo mama is so stupid she fixes her make-up to watch reality TV shows,

Yo mama is so ugly, they sold her cigarettes when she was twelve so they didn't have to look at her ID.

Yo mama is so ugly, we rent her out to bulimics.

Yo mama is so ugly, she got a job sitting on the roof of a building.

yo mama is so mean, a sign on your garage says: “Beware of Mama!”