Now I know a lot of people been talkin' 'bout yo momma 'cause you look mad as a shaved grizzly bear. So next time some fool has the nerve endings to get all up in your nostrils about some scram that don't have nothin' to do with nobody's momma, but they see fit to bring your dear sweet beloved momma, of all people, into it anyway, which of course gives you a cart full o' blanched almonds to put a fresh creamery grade A, pasteurized, homogenized vitamin D hurtin' on their sorry tushy cakes, then you just whip out a handful o' these hush-little-puppies-don't-say-a-word and momma's gonna buy you a lot more than a mockinbird! In fact...
Yo momma’s so ugly Freddy Kruger had nightmares about her.
Yo momma’s so fat she went to a plus-sizes clothing store and they sent her to the times-sizes clothing store.
Yo momma’s so fat when they brought the dessert tray she said, “I’ll have that.”
Yo momma’s so stupid that on your first day of kindergarden she asked you to bring her back some fresh vegetables.
Yo mommas’s so stupid she stayed at a stop sign for three hours waiting for it to turn green.
Yo momma’s so ugly she ran into Jack the Ripper late one night and he drove her home…and then never called.
Yo Momma’s so old that when you watched the Flintstones she would go off about how when Wilma got preggers with pebbles she blew up like a pigasaurus and that was when Fred started coming around yo momma’s cave.
Yo momma’s so stupid she had a yard sale with all the food in her refrigerator that reached the sell-by date.
Yo momma’s so stupid we found her staring at a can of frozen orange juice. We asked her why and she said, “Shhh! Look it say’s right here: ‘made from concentrate,’ now don’t distract me.“
Yo momma’s so stupid she tried to make Jello by leaving Kool-Aid out in the sun to dry.
Yo momma’s so fat that she had been seeing somebody on the side throughout her entire marriage and your daddy never noticed him there.
Yo momma’s so fat she can do cartwheels with her arms folded
Yo momma’s so fat that when she takes a shower she walks forward till the light turns red, then when the light turns green she walks out slowly.
Yo momma’s so OCD that when she met your daddy she picked a daisy and said, “He loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me…
Yo momma’s so OCD that when she has to pick something she says, “eeny, eeny, eeny, eeny, eeny…
Yo momma’s so stupid that when you called her from Los Angeles she told all her friends “My boy found Lost Angeles!”
Yo momma’s so clueless as to the ways of child rearing that when you were born she went to the store for some Purina Baby Chow.
Yo momma’s so stupid when you were born she swore there was another one in there because somebody knocked your teeth out.
Yo momma’s so unsophisticated, like a dumb animal, that you feed her Purina Momma Chow.
Yo momma’s so stupid when you were a kid she yelled at you for chewing with your mouth full.
Yo momma’s so stupid she used a pre-moist towelette to wipe off her spare ribs so the sauce didn’t get all over her fingers.
Yo momma’s so messed up in the head when she tried out for the Olympics they tested her for strength, endurance, and speed. She passed them all except for speed, they found some in her system.
Yo momma’s so stupid she heard a crazy man talking to himself on the bus and she thought she had ESP.
Yo momma’s so unclear on the concept that she went to an twelve step meeting cause she couldn’t eat just one potato chip
Yo momma’s so fat that she admitted she was seeing someone on the side but we pointed out that it was just her ass.
Yo momma’s so stupid we saw her staring at a bowl of soup going, “htsubnle sqnemrhuz bdipklanhg,” so we asked her what she was doing and she said it was alphabet soup and she was learning to read.
Yo momma’s so fat that the gynocologist looked at her and said, “Damn that’s a huge vagina! Damn that’s a huge vagina! Damn that’s a huge vagina!” She said, Why’d you have to say it three times?” he said, “I didn’t.”
Yo momma’s so stupid when the bartender asked if she wanted her drink 'over' she said no, she hadn’t even had any of it yet.
Yo momma takes everything so literally that when someone asked her, “What’s up?” she said, “The opposite of down, stupid!”
Yo momma’s such a bad waitress when a customer asked her how the lamb was prepared she said they just told him everything was gonna be all right and then whacked him.
Yo momma’s so fat that when she went swimming in the ocean a group of conservationists watched her and said she was so beautiful.
Yo momma’s such a bad waitress when a customer asked if the burgers were rare she said, “No we sell a lot of them.”
Yo momma’s so stupid that when she tried to do the hokey pokey she put her left foot in and shook her right foot all about, then she turned her left foot around and put her back out and finally we just had to tell her, “Momma! That ain’t what it’s all about!”
Yo momma’s so fat that you need a GPS to get on her good side.
Yo momma’s so fat that when your daddy said, “back that ass up!” she went, beep…beep…beep…
Yo momma’s so fat and mean that when she throws a pot luck you’ll be lucky if you don’t get thrown in the pot.
Yo Momma’s so sensitive about being the size of 3 hos that she thought the Jolly Green Giant was making fun of her.
Yo momma’s so fat that when you were born they found your daddy in there too.
Yo momma’s so fat she ordered baked alaska and complained it looked bigger on the map.
Yo momma’s such a skanky ho her pimp had a clearance sale: “This ho must go!”
Yo momma’s so mean she took you to the blood bank and said “take it all!”
Yo Momma’s so fat she had Kentucky’s fried chicken for dinner. And tomorrow night she’ll have Tennessee’s fried chicken.
Yo momma’s so fat we suggested the Dick Gregory diet but she said there wasn’t enough meat on him to satisfy her.
Yo momma’s so uncoordinated that when she did the hokey pokey she put her left foot in and fell over.
Yo momma’s such an unfit mother she gave you Jello in your baby bottle.
Yo momma’s so stupid she drinks her martini in a sippy cup.
Yo momma’s so stupid when you told her to make a U-turn she asked, “your U or my U?”
Yo momma’s so mean she dressed you up as a KKK and took you to Watts for trick or treat.
And if that fool is still comin at you, talkin' all kinda smack actin' like he's got some kinda verbal abuse to lay on you, and he still wants to cast aspersions on the woman that saw fit to bring you kickin' and screamin' like some kinda newborn fool, into this world, then you're just gonna have to pull out all the stops and escalate matters to the point where you say...
Yo Momma’s so viciously cruel, on halloween she dressed you up as a crack ho and made you turn tricks for treats.
And then all I can say is you better run like hell cause if anybody said that about my momma? To my face? In my town? Fer reals?... Uh-uh...Oh no...I'm sorry...That's it...Naw-naw...you shoulda never gone there...No, no, no...See we gonna settle this up right now, Come on monkey-humper! Bring it on Mr. talkin' mouth! Show me what you got ya big fat pucker-funker-sucker-humper! Ain't nobody gonna talk about my momma like that! @#%&!*@% (Ow!) #@$%! (Hey, leggo my shirt) #$!@#&*$%# (OW!) #$#& (I SAID OW!) $%#&@ (Why you...) #$%@%&!
By numbsain...don't even go there.