Yo Mama Jokes...But She Ain't Funny

Yo mama: "Officer, I just made a silent fart. What should I do?"
Police officer: Replace the batteries in your hearing aid, lady

Yo mama’s so fat she asks, “do these pants make my ass look like Jupiter?”


Yo mama’s so stupid when she got a flat tire she went to jack in the box.

Yo mama’s so sweaty if you’re sitting in the first three rows you WILL get wet.

Yo mama’s so stupid she had to live in apartment #1 on the first floor at “1 First Street” cause she couldn’t count any higher.

Yo mama so ugly she went to Victoria’s Secrets and asked for something that would really turn a man on. They showed her Tina, the cashier.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thinks “propaganda” is when you take a good long look.

Yo mama’s so stupid when she saw you sagging she thought your ass crack was creeping up your back.

Yo mama’s so stupid she got arrested for shoplifting cause she couldn’t remember the second half of “Pick n’ Pay.”
Yo mama’s so stupid she likes Mickey D’s better than McDonald’s.

Yo mama’s so stupid she asked, “What does 911 spell?”

Yo mama’s so stupid she thought “constipation” meant “a full time job”.

Yo mama’s so poor she got fired from her job in a sweat shop for stealing sweat.

Yo mama’s so fat the dog tries to protect her from her own ass.

Yo mama’s so ugly there’s a Photoshop filter called de-yo-mama-fy.

Yo mama’s so fat when she gave birth to you, you almost suffocated.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thought a gynocologist was an Australian doctor who was still gyna college.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thinks Casino Morongo is a gigantic beast that fights Godzilla.

yo mama’s so fat if she got all up in your face your head would explode.

Yo mama’s so poor when she barfs she checks to see if anything’s still good.

Yo mama’s so fat she’s all that, and that, and that over there, and all that stuff over there too.

Yo mama’s so fat she means everything to yo daddy and to everybody else too.

Yo mama’s so fat she got it goin’ on, and on, and on…

Yo mama’s so fat when she wears black and raises both arms you think of Mickey Mouse.

Yo mama’s so fat when she sits in the car she spills out the window…on both sides.

Yo mama’s so fat they didn’t know you’d been born until she stood up and kicked you.

Yo mama’s so fat when they strip searched her at the airport it took 3 days.

Yo mama’s so fat she’s incontinent, sorry, I meant she’s “a continent”

Yo mama’s so fat if you put a cookie on her shoulder she’d break her own neck

Yo mama’s so ugly when she looked in the bathroom mirror she said, “Who put a fish tank in my bathroom?”

Yo mama’s so fat she rolls like that.

By numbsain...yo mama's worst nightmare.

Numbsain Lets Fly On YO MAMA...AGAIN!

Look at cute little Tinkerbell. How could you have sex with such a tiny little thing? I mean she fits in the palm of your hand...oh...OH THAT'S DISGUSTING!

You may be wondering why I make so many disparaging remarks about yo mama. Especially since I don't even know yo mama.  But here's the thing. Yo mama can’t say "no" to anybody. A salesman came to your apartment and sold yo mama homeowners insurance…and then she gave him a bj too! and as if that weren't enough, she’s outside changing his oil right now. I mean lets face it, she's a pushover. She wears a pushover bra. Yo daddy doesn't even try to hide the fact that he cheats on her, he just brings girls home, gets in bed with yo mama sleepin' in it and pushes her over. She can't say no. She switches long distance providers three times a week, and as of yesterday you guys have converted to Jehovahs Witnesses. You never even heard of Jehovah much less winessed him! So that's why I have no qualms about saying:

Yo mama’s so fat when she strolls on the boardwalk she gets splinters in her ass cheeks.

Yo mama’s so fat her breasts are in different time zones.

Yo mama’s so stupid when she gets her period she puts a band-aid on it.

Yo mama’s so stupid instead of changing your dirty diapers she just turned them inside out.

Yo mama’s so fat she doesn’t need a desk.

Yo mama’s so fat that, to feed her, you fill her cleavage with food and then stand on her nipples and sweep it in with a push broom.

Yo mama’s so fat that she got in the jacuzzi and the pumps all exploded

Yo mama’s so fat when she got up from the toilet she ripped it out of the floor…we found it in the kitchen.

Yo mama’s so stupid she needed a password of 8 characters so she put “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”

Yo mama’s so stupid when you saw her kissing Santa Claus she paid you not to tell your daddy.

Yo mama’s so stupid when the recipe said check it with a meat thermometer she asked “where’s the asshole on a meatloaf?”

Yo mama’s so stupid she caught your daddy jacking off and accused him of cheatin’ on her with Tinkerbell.

Yo mama’s so stupid she called you to ask you for your phone number.

Yo mama’s so stupid she agreed to screw her boss everyday if he would stop sexually harrassing her.

Yo mama’s so stupid she bought a book called “how to read”…for dummies.

Yo mama’s so stupid she buys edible panties and eats them out of the box.

Yo mama’s so stupid she wouldn’t take an escalator because she thought it was a waste of stairs.

Yo mama’s so stupid she ran out of gas so she pushed the car to the gas station, parked it and walked home.

Yo mama’s so stupid she had a flat tire, and when the highway patrol stopped he found her down on her knees with her lips on the valve huffing and puffing…So he told her she had the wrong valve...And remember i told you she can't say no? Uh-huh, say no more.

Yo mama’s so fat your daddy thinks he’s havin’ a threesome.

Yo mama’s so stupid she put you on a leash when you were little…That’s not so bad? But when you said you had to go potty she stopped at a fire hydrant, turned around and looked the other way.

Yo mama’s so stupid she let you drink when you were 14 cause you showed her a fake ID.

Yo mama’s so stupid her idea of recycling was to make you do your paper route twice.

Yo mama’s so stupid the GOP is supporting her presidential campaign.

Yo mama’s so stupid she says, “excuse me.” when the dog farts.

Yo mama’s so stupid she has a drawer full of cash rebates that she’s saving up.


That's pretty stupid cause those things have a very limited time in which they can be redeemed. So essentially what I'm saying is: yo mama is not a smart women; not someone you would want to have pack your parachute. Speakin' of parachutes, she shouldn't have to wear one for a dress either. I'm just gonna say it, yo mama is ginormous. Just get her to cut back on the twinkies, like maybe, get her down to twelve boxes a day. That should be enough for the whole state of Iowa. So somebody the size of South Dakota should be okay with it too. But other than all that I think yo mama is perfectly fine.


by numbsain...a little constructive criticism never hurt anyone.