Bachelor with Benefits

I’m a single guy in my mid to early-late mids or so, around there, and I’ve been happy as an illegible bachelor for the past, oh, it’s gotta be at least going on, pretty close to somewhere around there, give or take. So I’ve kinda developed a relationship with myself and it seems I’m compatible. With my work schedule I’m not around enough to get on my nerves plus I’m really laid back, never been one to cause drama, not that I would react to it even if I did. No, I let that kind of stuff slide off and don’t take it personally.

It’s not like there’s a whole lot of romance in the relationship. I mean I think I’m reasonably attractive and I have to admit there’s some sexual tension there. Like if I’m getting out of the shower and I happen to walk by a mirror I might smile and linger a little longer than normal. It’s kind of hot, and I dig it. Well sure I find it flattering, who wouldn't?

Or I might catch a whiff of my cologne, and combined with my natural manly scent, it’s rather intoxicating, I have to say. And I do say sometimes, haha! Sure I’ll mention what a stud I am, and the effect I’m having on me. I feel comfortable enough around me that I can say that and not worry about getting all weird about it later.

I’ve never been shy about my body and I often walk around the house shirtless, or in my boxers. Come on, I’m an adult here. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. And sure, with that much openness stuff happens and I might end up, I don’t know…experimenting maybe. It’s not like I’m all into the same-person-sex thing but I’m secure enough in my masculinity that I’m not uptight about it.

As long as I’m consenting there’s nothing wrong with it. Not like I’m twisting my arm or anything…no definitely not, heh-heh. With a guy like me I don’t have to. I’ll never turn down sex with someone who I feel comfortable with, someone I can trust. And I like to please so trust me, I’m satisfied, in fact I’m gettin’ it pretty good.

Well at least I was, until recently. Ever since I've been an item things have gone good for me, maybe a little too good and I guess I had a little twinge of fear; fear of commitment; fear of intimacy maybe. I felt like I might be taking it to the next level, maybe falling in love, (dare I say the ‘L’ word?) so I pulled away and tainted the pot, so to speak. I started seeing someone else. I thought my relationship could handle it and I almost thought it might be a good thing—bring me closer together…

Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t doing it behind my back. Oh no, I was totally thinking a twosome. I wouldn’t leave me out. No, that would be impossible, I couldn’t have a relationship without me being involved in some way. I just thought it would be fun to bring an outside party into my little love-nest—spice things up a bit. But it’s kind of had the opposite effect. I seem to be paying all my attention to her and neglecting myself. I hardly spend any quality time with my "significant only" anymore and I’m started to feel…I don’t know, not alone, but like a second wheel.

I’m not a jealous person but when I see us together I get kind of angry. I mean what right does she have to come into a perfectly happy situation and just throw everything off kilter. She doesn’t know my history or how much I mean to me. She’s just a little man-wrecker is what she is.

But this little menage au duex does have its advantages. For one thing it’s given me a chance to see myself through my eyes, and to see me interacting with someone who isn’t me. But really, when it comes down to it, I’m the one I want to come home to at night. I’m the one whose arms I want to have. I want to cry on my shoulder when I’m sad. I want to be the one I come to when the whole world seems to be crowding in on me and I just need someone to be me.

I really am fulfilled by this relationship. It just feels right. I may even be my soul mate. And gosh darn it I miss those quiet evenings when I'd come home; greet myself in the mirror; kick off my shoes; settle in; maybe put on some nice jazz—Sarah Vaughan singing “Alone Together.” Mmm, that’s my song. It’s the song that was playing the very first time I heard it. Now when I hear it I’m instantly in the mood. I’ll slip into something more comfortable, and just cuddle by the fire.

At that point I am usually so turned on, I’m like putty in my hands. I’m all green lights and I usually pick up on that immediately. I like to start out slow and sensual, feeling my hand touching me. And no one knows how I like to be touched like I do. Because I’ve taken the time to study myself and gain a rapport that you don’t see in most people. It’s really a beautiful thing. It’s like I’m thinking, feeling, acting as one person. Like the lines that define me become blurred and it’s no longer me loving me but like…um…uh…waitaminute…WTF?

By Numbsain...the man of his dreams.