BEFORE THEY WERE FAMOUS

Einstein demonstrating
his theory of slurpativity.

Everyone knows Albert Einstein, theoretical physicist, guy with funny hair. But few are aware of his early years with the circus. Yes one of the greatest geniuses of our time once took a summer job under the big top as Neutrino the Clown amusing and entertaining audiences with his theory of smellativity. His career in comedy came to an abrupt end when he accidentally vaporized an audience with a tiny nuclear device he wore on his lapel and flung into the air just before diving into a lead lined barrel to safety.

Shut your stupid disgusting

twinkie-hole you hideously
ugly lard ass behemoth.

We're all aware of the exploits of K*rl R*ve, former senior advisor and cheif of staff to ex-president Ge*rge B*sh and consummate asshole, but not many people know that as a teen K*rl worked as a chicken sexer for Zacky Farms. It was a short lived career as K*rl quit when he learned that the job had nothing to do with having sex with chickens. Throughout his life Mr. *urp* (excuse me) ka-BAAAAARRFF! that guy has attempted to have sex with all the farm animals all of whom expressed a violent dislike for him and refused even when offered large sums of money. K*rl prefers chickens over all other unwilling partners because only the chicken's vagina is small enough to accommodate his... *gag* y'know that thing.

Miss Spears after being told she
could not sit by the window and
would have to take the aisle seat.

What celebrity exposé would be complete without mention of America's favorite sex pig Britney Spears, teen idol, exhibitionist and professional tabloid fodder. But few people know or care about Britney's very first attempt at being a useful and productive member of the work force. That's because she never was a useful and productive member of anything. In fact no company, organization, or person could stand her and so she was advised by her school counselor to become a pop singer certain she would fail and end up overdosing on something. Go figure.

Timberlake thinking himself
dapper in that ridiculous outfit.

One of the fastest rising young stars in the music business, and it's inevitable offshoot, the film industry, is Justin Timberlake, recording artist, actor (in the very broad sense of the word) and liberator of Janet Jackson's breasts at the Super-bowl. Not surprisingly his early vocational experience had little to do with music or acting. Macaroni was Timberlake's field of expertise and not just manufacturing or eating the stuff, no, this ambitious young upstart was Head Macaroni Sorter at one of the finest Italian cuisine plants in the US, Chef Boy-ar-dee. Timberlake was responsible for making sure the freshly extruded semolina/dishwater mixture stayed separated from the rat turds and was responsible for stringent quality control of Spaghetti-Os and other products worn on the faces and scalps of two-year-old gourmands across the country.

by numbsain, who wrote a blog before he was famous