Road Kill Fashion—PETA Approved!

numbsain presents


Howdy Holler-Day Shoppers!
I'm Jiblitz!
And I'm Gravy!
We're Grablitz and Jibbly er, Jablitz and Gribbly... (Jam it Grablitz!)

Jiblitz: And today we're here to stand up and make ya Holler-days about a squa-jillion times easier with some blew-it-yer-self,
ex-mess gift eye-deers that'll git them li'l plate-lickers so excited they'll pee in their poop-jay's and just start ricky-shayin' off the walls like bumblebees in a nuke-ro-wave oven!

Gravy: Ooh-weevils, Taint no bow to doubt it, Jib, and it ain't gonna cost ya a hot squat on a porty-pot neither. Cuz we manufabricate everything outta common extra-ordin-every-day items.

Jiblitz: You shed a mouseful there, Gravy', Santa's little heifers ain't got skaddle on us.

Gravy: Today we're gwine to show-n'-tell ya how ta make a fashion mistake-ment outta unlucky jaywalkin' varmints who, through no asphalt o' their own, wound up squarshed under the wheel o' misfortune while trying to live life in the oncoming lane. Ahm talkin' about "Road-kill" "Tread Leather" "Pavement Patch Pets."

Jiblitz: I wish we could say: "No animals were harmed in the makin' of these products" but
in fact, they're 100% harmed animals! Hyuk Hyuk!

Gravy: Only the strong survive and the meek shall be imbedded in the earth! it's all part o' natural see-lection on Jiblitz and Gravy's Wild Kingdom!

Jiblitz: Brp brp brp brrrrrr-drp, Brp brp brp brp, br-drp...

Gravy: Besides, they don't feel pain the way we do...I mean, It hurts but it's a good kind o' hurt. Now did ya scrape us up some street-thins, Jib?

Jiblitz: Ah squirtin'ly did! Just feast yer thighs on this corn-u-copious distortment of asphalt huggers, pat as a flan-cake and stiffened in the noon-day-sun since Sunday noon. Here's a blob-cat, a spread eagle, Looky here! This skunk still gots every hair, but flatter!

Gravy: Flattery will git you every hair!

Jiblitz: Aw... Gawd-Blangit, Gravy! It's McNuggets! She was a damn good layer...

Gravy: She's a thin layer now.

Jiblitz: Now WHY did that chicken cross the road?

Gravy: This is no time fer joking, Jiblitz. Here's a little finch, hot off the grill...

Jiblitz: This is no time fer dinner, Gravy.

Gravy: I meant the grill o' my truck. Whattaya think was the last thing that went through his mind?

Jiblitz: His asshole...

Gravy: You kiss yer cousin with that mouth?

Jiblitz: Only if she's wearin' one o' these!

Gravy: And PRESS-TOE! the Beaver Cleavage Bra!

Jiblitz: And we done it in no time ‘flat.’ Hey Gravy! Lookit what else ah made!

Gravy: Whoa! PERVALERT! Put yer trousers back on Jiblitz!

Jiblitz: Does this cat make mah ass look fat?

Gravy: Spank cod we're outta time

WE'RE JIBLITZ & GRAVY! WE'RE INBREDNECKS BUT AT LEAST WE'RE NOT RELATED!

MERRY FELIZCHRISTMASHANNUKWANZAA an' a Happy Añonuevo-Tet-Passover-Lent-Ramadan...
Jiblitz: Did we leave anybody out?

Gravy: I hope not Jib, ya can't have whirled peas unless ya get 'em all whirled in.

Jiblitz and Gravy was brought to you by
Mystery Meat Jerky Surprise® and
The Law Offices of Gowen, Gowen, Gowen, & Gawn and by
Ostracizer Food Resuscitator ...Bringing food back to life!

Jiblitz & Gravy
Plumbers Union Loco 23

Jiblitz: Howdy Flushpuppies, I’m Jiblitz!

Gravy: And I’m Gravy! Weez here ta ejumacate y’all about the tiles and tubulations of plumbin’ country style.

Jiblitz: An’ we ain’t afeared ta take the plunge with a plunger and git knee-deep in shits creek!

Gravy: Now Jiblitz, mah brothers and me been plumbin’ fer pert’ near a coons age. We got on-the-john trainin’. How’d you git in the plumbin’ bidness, wud you do?

Jiblitz: Mario Brothers.

Gravy: I thought you married yo cousin’?

Jiblitz: Ain’t no law aginst it.

Gravy: Ain’t no law aginst marryin’ a nannygoat neither, but ya don’t do that do ya?

Jiblitz: Na- a- a- a- ah, but mah daddy did.

Gravy: Oh you kid. Now lets just answer a few questions from our viewers.
Whaddaya do about a stuck faurcet?

Jiblitz: Just force it.

Gravy: How bout a leaky seal?

Jiblitz: Club it.

Gravy: An’ iffin yer tub needs caulkin’?

Jiblitz: Call Macauley.

Gravy: Ever had a ruptured boiler?

Jiblitz: Heck no, I had it lanced before it ruptured

Gravy: Rusty fixtures?

Jiblitz: No, the doc fixed mine. Rusty wun’t around.

Gravy: John overflow?

Jiblitz: Naw, he still can’t git over that gal.

Gravy: Sewer back-up?

Jiblitz: I hope not, Sue’s HIS back-up.

Gravy: Now how d’ya de-stenchify a stinky porta-potty?

Jiblitz: Ya need porta-pot-pouree.

Gravy: Alright. How’d ya learn all that, Jiblitz?

Jiblitz: From readin’ this here Plumbers Magazine.

Gravy: Jiblitz, that says ‘Plumpers’ not ‘Plumbers.’

Jiblitz: No wonder it ain’t got nuthin but big fat nekkid heifers in it. Looky here!

Gravy: Great humpin’ ja-blowzafat! Them’s some tiggity ol’ biggitys! Turn the page! Turn the page!...HOLY BAJEEMINY!!! They’d never find ya! Gaw-leee, the good lord sure knows how ta dish up some sin don’t he?

Jiblitz: Must be margarine ‘cause butter don’t spread like that!

Gravy: Whew! Okay, nuff o’ that. Lets go inside an’ have a looksee at the lavatory.

Jiblitz: Yes master Gravenstien, to the lavatory.

Gravy: Now don’t get too eager, Igor.

Jiblitz: No Master Gravenstien.

Gravy: Gad Blastard, Jiblitz! I got a leak!

Jiblitz: Ah told ya to go before the show.

Gravy: Hand me that pipe dope!

Jiblitz: Whudjoo call me?

Gravy: Not you, ya cow poke, the pipe dope! I gotta cracked pipe under the sink

Jiblitz: Ah told ya; just say no, Gravy.

Gravy: Not a crack pipe, a cracked pipe! now pipe down ya crack pot.

Jiblitz: Uh, Gravy, we got a bigger problem.

Gravy: Clog in the sewer?

Jiblitz: Naw, but I think I dropped one o’ mah tennies down there.

Gravy: Broken water main?

Jiblitz: I ain’t even preggars, man.

Gravy: Am ah showin’ plumbers crack?

Jiblitz: Ya were, but I used my caulk gun on it.

Gravy: Well then what’s the problem?

Jiblitz: Weez outta time Gravy.

Gravy: Well flush my britches and snake mah brain! Remember folks: Just say no to Drain-NO!

Jiblitz & Gravy wuz brang to ya by...

Barney’s Back-hoes...If yer hoe aint dirty, yer back 30 ain’t purty!
Ezekials Gourmet Pig Slop Bistro...Pigs oink for it!
Cleavon’s Bull-kakki Jizzateria...Nuttin’ but the best!
Melvis’ Geld n’ Go...Free set o’ Prairie Oysters with every Castration!

by numbsain