Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...Without Laughing

 It's never easy telling someone it's over. The betrayal, the heartbreak, the alimoney. It's one of the worst feelings in life. Why then, you may ask, is it the subject of a humor blog? Read these break up letters and you'll see.

Dear Carlos,
I wanted to tell you this in person but I couldn’t bare it. You know I love you and I wanted more than anything to be Mrs. Carlos Diaz. But I could not have lived with the embarrassment of being your wife. It’s not you. I love you and I love the whole Diaz family and there’s nothing wrong with you or even your name. Diaz is a beautiful, noble name and any girl would be proud to have it. Except me. You understand why don’t you. It’s nothing wrong with me or my name either it’s just when you put the two together that it’s a problem. It would just be too embarrassing. I couldn’t go through life like that. Please try to forgive me. I’m so sorry Carlos please tell Mr. and Mrs. Diaz senior I never meant to hurt you or anyone in the Diaz family. Farewell.

Love, Doomian

P.S. Don't try to hook up with my sister, Scroomian either.

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My Dearest Louie & Rickie,

These past few months have been the most wonderful of my life!!! You both make me feel so loved!!!! I never knew life could be so great with conjoined twins!!!!! It’s just so exciting!!!!!!#!.·¨ˆ’·.\· //.·..\.·.i¡·./_.··… . .  .   .    . Darn it@ I just broke my exclamation mark key&&& DAMN### Anyway, I think you two are a perfect 10% And the fact that you’re rich means nothing to me??? I love you for who you are$$$ (Look, just assume there are a lot of exclamation marks after every sentence) I know it’s not easy being conjoined at the back but look at the bright side, at least you’re both oriented the same way. I admit all the attention is a bit much but you do have your shit together so I get a little time to myself. 

Which brings me to my point. I know you two feel you need to get in touch with your roots and move back to Siam. I would go with you in a heartbeat but I’m just not happy living someplace where I'm a foreigner and in Siam I am. So I feel the three of us should separate, well not you two obviously, but, well, you know what I mean.

Love, Linda

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Dear Brucie,

Darling, I have something to tell you, and it will come as a shock. We’ve been dating on the internet for 3 months now and I know you’ve fallen deeply in love with me. With my big blue eyes and long blonde hair. I know you're ready to take it to the next level and meet me in person because you can’t wait to hold my petite little body in your arms and touch my perky 22-year-old breasts and squeeze my tight firm tush just like we talk about all the time. Tee hee! Baby, I want you to do that to me too! And I’d love to finally meet, but there’s just one teensy weensy problem, honey buns. You see, I’m a 300 lb, 53-year-old man named Kevin. I'm really sorry pooky!

Do you think maybe we could just continue as we’ve been with me sending you naked pictures of my daughter?  I know what you’re thinking: why can’t you just meet my daughter, right? Well you wouldn’t like her. For some reason she’s really messed up in the head. Sorry, my darling

Love, Trixie, er I mean Kevin XOXOXO