Sunday, July 1, 2012

New Yo Momma Jokes

These are not your ordinary yo mama jokes but, then again, yo mama ain't no ordinary mama. Sure, she's fat, ugly, and stupid, after all she's yo mama. But now she has a whole bunch of new problems, like ADD. The woman's got the attention span of a distracted gnat. When you were a baby she tried to get you to eat by making a the fork go like an airplane. If yo daddy didn't happen to be an air traffic controller you would have starved to death. And she suffers from dyslexia, really bad dyslexia. Well you'll see what I mean.

Yo mama’s so dyslexic when yo daddy asked her for a kiss she sat on his face.

Yo mama’s so dyslexic she thinks two wrongs don’t make a left.

Yo mama's so dyslexic when she says she's had it up to here with you she points to her feet.

Jokes about her even get mixed up yo mama’s so dyslexic.

Yo mama’s so dyslexic she uses the hazards for turn signals.

Yo mama’s so dyslexic she wouldn’t even try doing the hokey pokey.

Yo mama is so dyslexic you asked her what's up and she said, "I don't know."

Yo mama's got such bad ADD she wrote herself a "To..." list.

Yo mama's got such bad ADD she packed you a mayonnaise sandwich for lunch.

Yo mama’s so frigid her underwear has a lettuce crisper.

Yo mama's so frigid she has little vegetable magnets stuck to her butt.

Yo mama’s so stupid she got "a" in spelling…but no other words.

Yo mama’s so self-conscious about her lazy eye that she has to say she’s seeing someone on the side.

Yo mama’s so embarrassed about her waddle that she keeps it tucked into her cleavage.

Yo mama’s so sensitive about her hairy moles she dyes the hair green and say’s they’re chia moles.

Yo mama’s so intolerant of dirt that she makes you put on a slip cover before you walk in the house.

Yo mama’s so desperate she has a neon light on her panties that says VACANCY.

Yo mama’s so fat she tried to eat with a fork in the road.

Yo mama’s so mean she ordered the kids meal and then brought you over to the cook and said “Use this one and gimme a discount.”

Yo mama’s so mean when you asked her for money she handed you her hooker clothes and said, “get a job.”

Yo mama’s so hard up she shaved her pubic hair into a welcome mat.

Yo mama’s so strict you had a barbed-wire crib.

Yo mama’s so cheap she only lets you keep a pet until dinner time.

Yo mama’s so old when they read the bible in church she says, “Now that’s not what he told me…”

Yo mama’s so negligent she asked the day care center if they had permanent residences.

Yo mama’s so negligent she always forgets to clean your litterbox.

Yo mama’s so illiterate she can’t even set a spell.

Yo mama’s so stupid when you asked could you have a friend over for dinner she said, “over rice?”

Yo mama’s so fat she sat on Nat King Cole and when she got up he was Neil Diamond.

Yo mama’s so fat when her tampon leaked a red spot on her butt they thought it was Jupiter.

Yo mama’s such a cow, we call her Black Anguish.

Yo mama’s so fat she doesn’t get laid, she gets spelunked.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thought puffy combs were for styling afros.

Yo mama’s so stupid when someone mentioned P. Diddy she said, “Who did? Where did he?”

Yo mama’s so stupid she thought she’d win a spelling bee cause she was good at spelling “bee.”

Yo mama’s so stupid  she thought 4 x 4 = Toyota.

by numbsain...His mama didn't raise no fool...She left him with his daddy.