After 78 years in circulation currency experts have discovered almost imperceptible flaws in the United States Federal Reserve Bank's $1000 bills issued in 1934 from the Kansas City mint. The experts fear they may be subliminal or subversive messages designed into the high value bank notes for the purpose of undermining the United States monetary system.
To the untrained eye the bank note pictured below appears perfectly normal at first examination. But the highly skilled and experienced currency experts were able to spot the errors in the plates after almost a year of intensive study:
The first error spotted, and the one that sparked the entire investigation appeared in the paragraph that reads "This note is legal tender blah, blah, yada, yada..." the word "legal" is misspelled "lethal." 
The next error spotted was a third eye on President Grover Cleveland but in a most unusual location. Still unclear as to whether the former president had a third eye or not, experts concluded that it's presence in the portrait was an error due to the fact that the offending extraneous optical organ appeared on Clevelands lapel (see detail below). The freakish deformity did raise questions about the genetic integrity of the former president.
Experts then came across a tiny portrait tucked into the corner of the lower type line. The portrait inexplicably but undeniably was of a young actor Will Smith. Investigators have not ruled out time travel as a possible explanation for it's presence on the bill. (see below)
The next anomoy found was rather upsetting. In almost illegibly small letters the words, "KIDS ARE STUPID" appear on the front surface of the bill. Imagine the damaging effect this message might have had on some young and impressionable youth had it been discovered while spending the bill at the local soda fountain or toy store. (see below)
Now determined to find the last of the errors experts looked to the back of the bill and found more problems. Well hidden but clearly visible to the learned eye were the disturbing and disheartening words, "I HATE MOMMY" (see below)
It became evident that it would be necessary to have the currency removed from circulation and destroyed when the next shocking discovery was made. (see below Warning, the following content is of a vulgar and disturbing nature.)
But there was still more. The final flaw in these bills was one so obvious that the experts didn't know how they could have missed it. See if you can tell what's wrong with the picture below:
It probably didn't take you long to see it. The word is in the wrong font. The serifs on the letters are slightly longer than they are on all the other words on the bill! And by almost a whole hundredth of an inch! It just goes to show that even the experts aren't perfect. Fortunately they did catch the problem.
It's still unknown how the errors slipped through the strict security and quality control of the Kansas City mint and ended up on currency of the United States of America but a nationwide search for the bills is underway and the secretery of the treasury is asking that anyone in possession of one or more of these bills please ship them via certified mail to:
It's still unknown how the errors slipped through the strict security and quality control of the Kansas City mint and ended up on currency of the United States of America but a nationwide search for the bills is underway and the secretery of the treasury is asking that anyone in possession of one or more of these bills please ship them via certified mail to:
Numbsain's Unwind
P.O. Box 44812 Unwinding Rd.
Mnt. Numbsain, CA 91203
so they may be properly disposed of. Thanks to honest citizens like you almost half of the bills have been recovered already. (see below)
