WARNING: This post deals with mature subject in an immature way. Words and phrases such as "penis" and "doggie style" are used and therefore it is absolutely NOT suitable for persons under the age of 18.
Dear Numbsain,
Please don’t laugh at me when I tell you this. It would crush what little self esteem I’ve got. I’m 23 years old but I’ve never been intimate with anyone in my life. The reason is because, well, I have no penis. I was born without one. It’s horrible. I have 3 older brothers and they’ve all got nice, big, fully functional penises. But not me. I need love and companionship just like anyone. But I can’t take a potential partner home, get in bed and then say, “by the way, I hope you didn’t have your heart set on me having a penis because I don’t have one.” I’d be a laughing stock all over town. I’m not talking about a small one either, I’m talking none! In fact all I have is a wet hole where my penis is supposed to be. Can you help me?
Tahmee
P.S. I’ve included a picture of myself so you can see that I have no other physical deformities, except I'm not as muscular as my older brothers either.
Dear Tahmee,
Listen buddy I feel your pain, I mean not literally because I have a penis, but I can imagine what it must be like for you, man. It’s awful to be short changed in life. I’ll tell you what, guy, I might be able to help you out. But I need to see for myself what you got goin’ on down there to know best what your options are. Why don’t you come over to my place tomorrow night and we can talk about it. Bring your overnight bag because it might take a while. Okay buddy? So I’ll see you at 8:00.
Listen buddy I feel your pain, I mean not literally because I have a penis, but I can imagine what it must be like for you, man. It’s awful to be short changed in life. I’ll tell you what, guy, I might be able to help you out. But I need to see for myself what you got goin’ on down there to know best what your options are. Why don’t you come over to my place tomorrow night and we can talk about it. Bring your overnight bag because it might take a while. Okay buddy? So I’ll see you at 8:00.
\i/ \i/ \i/ \i/ \i/ \i/ \i/ \i/ \i/ \i/ \i/ \i/ \i/
Dear Numbsain,
I’m a 28 year old female and my boyfriend is 25. We have a good relationship and our sex is great except he’s always complaining about one thing: no head! That’s all he talks about: head head head, and that’s the one thing he doesn’t get with me. Why can’t he accept me the way I am and stop obsessing over something he can’t have?
Butterhead
Dear Butterhead,
So what’s the big deal? Why are you so against oral sex?
Dear Numbsain,
Who said anything about oral sex? I said my boyfriend complains constantly about the fact that I have no head. I’ve been living without a head all my life and I’m use to not having one, Funny thing is most guys say that’s what they like about me. Why did I have to fall in love with the one guy who thinks it’s a problem? Here's a photo of me which will help you understand.
Butterhead
See picture below:
Dear Butterhead,
Wow! Nice set of shoulders you got there babe! Your boyfriend is an idiot! What’s his complaint again? Oh yeah, you mentioned something about not having a head. Wait, let me look at the picture again…Oh, look at that! You’ve got no head! That’s interesting, but who cares really? I mean, it’s not a problem for me! You should dump that fool and give me a call after you do, I’d like to get to know those, I mean, I’d like to get to know you better.
Wow! Nice set of shoulders you got there babe! Your boyfriend is an idiot! What’s his complaint again? Oh yeah, you mentioned something about not having a head. Wait, let me look at the picture again…Oh, look at that! You’ve got no head! That’s interesting, but who cares really? I mean, it’s not a problem for me! You should dump that fool and give me a call after you do, I’d like to get to know those, I mean, I’d like to get to know you better.
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˚ ˘ ˚ ˘ ˚ ˘ ˚ ˘ ˚ ˘ ˚ ˘ ˚ ˘
Dear Numbsain,
I’m an 18 year old girl and there’s this boy I really like. He’s handsome, shy, intelligent, everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. I want to take it to the next level with him, you know? I want him to, um, tee-hee! I can’t believe I’m telling you this…I mean what girl wouldn’t want to go all the way with the man of her dreams?
All we’ve really done so far is missionary, doggie style, reverse cowgirl, oral, 69, anal, double anal, triple anal, public places, in a graveyard, BDSM, you know the basics. But I want him to give me something real to prove he loves me. Is it wrong for me to want that?
Wondering
Dear, AHEM! Wond-(choke, cough cough)-ering,
Whoa girl! You did all that stuff? You guys are really goin’ at it like gangbusters! Wow! Triple anal? I can’t even imagine! Kinda hard not to though…Hmmm…Okay, okay, okay, (deep breath, calm down) Okay obviously when you say “the next level” You’re talking about what every girl wants: the joy of holy matrimony and, frankly if you’ve done all that with the guy, he’d better marry you! Drop a hint if you have to, but get that ring!
Dear Numbsain,
This is Wondering again. You’re a little confused, I’m not trying to get him to marry me! Oh hell no, I just want him to urinate on me. The ultimate act of love (sigh). The way a boy shows he truly cares for a girl. Who said anything about marriage? I wanna try golden showers!
Wondering
Dear Wondering,
Give him a six pack and lock the bathroom door. What the hell do you want from me! No wait, I don’t wanna know. (Yeesh! Disgusting!)
I’m an 18 year old girl and there’s this boy I really like. He’s handsome, shy, intelligent, everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. I want to take it to the next level with him, you know? I want him to, um, tee-hee! I can’t believe I’m telling you this…I mean what girl wouldn’t want to go all the way with the man of her dreams?
All we’ve really done so far is missionary, doggie style, reverse cowgirl, oral, 69, anal, double anal, triple anal, public places, in a graveyard, BDSM, you know the basics. But I want him to give me something real to prove he loves me. Is it wrong for me to want that?
Wondering
Dear, AHEM! Wond-(choke, cough cough)-ering,
Whoa girl! You did all that stuff? You guys are really goin’ at it like gangbusters! Wow! Triple anal? I can’t even imagine! Kinda hard not to though…Hmmm…Okay, okay, okay, (deep breath, calm down) Okay obviously when you say “the next level” You’re talking about what every girl wants: the joy of holy matrimony and, frankly if you’ve done all that with the guy, he’d better marry you! Drop a hint if you have to, but get that ring!
Dear Numbsain,
This is Wondering again. You’re a little confused, I’m not trying to get him to marry me! Oh hell no, I just want him to urinate on me. The ultimate act of love (sigh). The way a boy shows he truly cares for a girl. Who said anything about marriage? I wanna try golden showers!
Wondering
Dear Wondering,
Give him a six pack and lock the bathroom door. What the hell do you want from me! No wait, I don’t wanna know. (Yeesh! Disgusting!)
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