Christmas is a time of giving and loving and joy and giving and...wait did I already say giving? Anyway it really sucks when it's ruined by bratty kids stealing each others presents. Now you'll never have to worry about that again with a wonderful and innovative holiday idea from Brinx, the security experts. Announcing the new High-Security, Theft Proof Christmas Tree!
Gifts are stored in the tree's impenetrable vault set on a time delay so it can't open until Christmas morning. Then they're dispensed one at a time in a special protected zone just for unwrapping gifts. The childs' name is clearly announced with visual affirmation and only that child is allowed near the tree. With the tree under surveillance by special cameras that make sure the wrong child is nowhere nearby, presents are always safe and with three verbal warnings and a loud alarm sound before any shots are fired, your kids are too, unless they are complete idiots. And in that case they have to be stopped and nothing does that like the AK-47. Yes two guard sentinals built into the tree first fire warning shots and If the intruding child persists, he's shot at point blank range. Do you think it works? Kimberly's an only child thanks to this modern marvel.
Note: The Amazing Brinx High-Security Anti-Theft Christmas tree must be delivered to your home by special truck and lowered on a special crane into your living room as it weighs approx, 4 tons.
Brinx...the only thing they'll steal is your heart!
Written and illustrated by Numbsain...wasting hours every day bringing you unimaginable stupidity... Now that's love.
