BOYS WILL BE BOYS

Hi honey, I got here as soon as I could. Now what’s this all about? Where are the boys? They’re usually outside playing.

Well that’s just it dear. They’ve been in the bathroom ever since they got back from school and they won’t come out.

Whattaya mean they won’t come out?

Well I asked them to but they said they couldn’t stop in the middle.


Ah well maybe Mikey's just constipated again. You know when I was his age and I got constipated I know I couldn’t stop in the middle.

But dear, they’re both in there together. Why would they both need to be in there if one of them was constipated?

Hmm you’ve got a point there…Ah, maybe Kevin’s helping Mikey with his constipation, yeah that’s probably it.

Don’t you find that a little strange dear?

Well no, not at all. When I was a boy my big brother used to help me when I was constipated.

What?

Su-u-u-re! He used to cheer me on, y’know, gimme encouragement, like “It’s all you,” “you can do it!” that type of thing. It was more fun that way. That’s probably all it is.

I don’t think so dear. I didn't hear any cheering or encouraging, and some of the things I did hear had me worried.

What kind of things?

Well I heard Mikey say, “Lemme touch it” and “it needs to be wetter.”

Needs to be wetter eh? hmm… Well that could be constipation …

But lemme touch it?

No. That doesn’t sound right. Not if it’s constipation, not our boys. Wonder what they were doing that Mikey was so keen on touching, and that needed to be wetter…

I'll tell you what I think, I think they’ve got a girl in there.

Oh well that could be it. Did you hear a girls voice when you were listening?

No but that’s probably because they have her tied up and gagged.

Oh yeah! That’s it. That’s gotta be what they’re doing. I know when I was their age I used to bring girls home, tie them and gag them in the bathroom all the time.

What?

Why su-u-u-ure, that was one of our favorite hobbies. It was great fun. We never wanted to stop in the middle either. I’m sure that’s all it is. Just a little good clean fun. Nothing wrong with that.

I don’t now dear I don’t think they have a girl in there because I would have seen her come in with them.

Maybe they snuck her in the window. That's how we used to do it. Sure sneak girls in the bathroom window, tie ‘em up, gag ‘em. C’mon honey they’re boys. Whattaya expect from them?

I don’t know dear I can’t help getting the feeling that it’s something worse.

Yeah? Like what?

I think they could be having gay sex in there.

Gay sex? Our boys? Well you could be right honey. I know my brother and I used to have gay sex when we were their age…

WHAT?!

Well su-u—u-ure  we did honey, I mean boys will be boys. And boys are curious. It’s all part of growing up, experimenting, y’know that sort of thing.

I…I just don’t know I’m still worried .

Bout what honey?

I think they might be, well, doing drugs.

Really? What kind of drugs?

I don’t know it could be anything. Sniffing glue, huffing spray cans maybe.

Hmm…you could be right I know my brother and I sure did a lot of that?

What!?

Course we did honey. Y’know you’re building a model, ya leave the top of the glue, ya take a whiff. Before you know it it’s all over your face. You can’t keep kids from sniffing glue, honey. It’s all part of growing up. And we’d spray the parts inside a bag so the paint didn’t get all over the house. You look in the bag and take a big whiff. Wake up an hour later with no pants on, funny feeling in yer butt, and yer head in the toilet! That’s probably all it is. I think you worry too much, honey.

But what if it’s something worse than that? What if they’re smoking crack?

You mean the way my brother and I used to smoke it when we were their age?

How was that?

Well what we would do is have a few shots of dad's whisky, then we'd slam a dime bag of junk—not enough to nod but close. And then we'd smoke our crack right there in the meth lab. Oh sure it was a little risky cause we were already pretty messed up and a meth lab could blow up if ya get those chemicals too near a spark. But that's the most fun way to do it. And our boys aren’t dumb. I’m sure they know how to smoke crack in a meth lab.

I guess your right dear, theyre probably just having a little fun that’s all…

You gave them some bottled water, right?...Before they went in there?...Honey!?




Well no dear, but you don't think they'd...Oh dear god!



Honey, are you crazy?

They wouldn't do that would they?...Oh, I knew we should have spanked them more when they were babies!

Well I've gotta go in there!

[BAM! BAM! BAM!]

OPEN UP BOYS, I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING IN THERE!
Huh?

Wha?

[CRASH!!!!]

Aha! What’s this in the jar? WHAT DID I TELL YOU BOYS ABOUT DRINKING TAP WATER!?

 But dad, we didn't...

SHUT UP AND STAND BACK!

[Ker-FLUSH-SH-SH-SH]

AWWW GEE DAD!

WHY’D YA FLUSH OUR SEA MONKEYS!?

by numbsain...He was lucky. He was raised by wolves.