Numbsain's New Years Resolutions

These two people have nothing to do with this post, just ignore them.

I hate making new years resolutions because I...well, it's just so...actually I can't remember why I hate them! I guess that means I don't hate them anymore. So here they are:

 NewYearsResoluTION!NewYearsResoluTION!NewYearsResoluTION!

1. to stop making vague, non-specific generalizations when it comes to, y’know, stuff in general and instead actually say, like, whatever.

2 to stop soft peddling what few things some people say I do that might be considered slightly less than ideal…on those rare occasions when it looks like I might be doing that.

3. to utterly eradicate any modicum of my inherent proclivity to infuse my locutions and soliloquies with extraneous pedantic linguistic verbosity.

4. To stop being judgmental of those who clearly are not worth considering as human beings.

5. to cease and desist using cheap, dime-a-dozen, off-the-shelf clichés at the drop-of-a-hat like they’re going out of style.

6. to give credit to all the little insignificant people, whose names I can’t remember at the moment, but who have helped me.

7. To not pass gas when driving in a car full of people and the next gas station is a long distance away.

8. to stop, once and for all, from this moment forth, putting unrealistic expectations on myself and never again, as long as I live put one single unrealistic expectation on myself, period.

9. to show all living things total respect and kindness, including animals, bugs, plants, eyelash mites, bacteria, mold spores, and even LA drivers.

10. to stop being a know-it-all and telling people exactly what their problem is even though I can see it clearly and have no doubts that if these morons would only listen to me their lives would be so much better.

 NewYearsResoluTION!NewYearsResoluTION!NewYearsResoluTION!

Oh yeah, now I remember why I hate them. Because, as a child, I was raised by a cruel, sadistic new years resolution who beat me and kept me locked in a closet for weeks with no food or water...actually the no food or water was my idea. Well there was no toilet in the closet so...

By Numbsain...He's all talk, therefore he makes a sound.

Numbsain's New Years Resolutions was brought to you by:

Happy's Donut Repair Services...We fix everything but the hole!

Ugly's Transplant-N-Go...Any organ, free installation

Spot's People Grooming Salon...Who knows better than man's best friend?

Just Octopus, Molluskery...Try our octopus lunch special.

Oodles of Pasta...We're idiots!

R-co...Bull fiddle bows for the bass player who never walks the line.